On September 8th, 2011, President Barack Obama made an address to Congress promoting his newest piece of legislation, which he is calling The American Jobs Act. Though his address was directed at lawmakers, he frequently referenced the lives and experiences of everyday Americans. Here's what some of them had to say in the truest form of free, public expression: Snarky comments shouted at a TV screen where few, if any, can hear them. Mr. Obama's words appear in italics, the public commentary to follow.

We continue to face an economic crisis that has left millions of our neighbors jobless...

Actually, considering the millions of migrant workers employed in America and the relative economic ease of Canada, I'd say our neighbors are doing pretty good vis. the American economy. Maybe if we had a sensible immigration plan and universal health care...

 

This past week, reporters have been asking "What will this speech mean for the President? What will it mean for Congress? How will it affect their polls, and the next election?"

In all fairness, reporters have been asking a lot of stupid questions over the past week like, "Can you lose weight on a Cheeto diet?" and "What does this man's pet penguin have to do with his shoe store's success?" They've got a 24-hour news cycle to fill. Cut 'em some slack.

 

And they know that Washington hasn't always put [Americans'] interests first.

Ya know, I think I can remember my grandpa telling me about a time way back when Washington put the interests of Americans first. It was in the days when a nickel got you lunch, men wore hats and this broken-down boardwalk was still a bustling center of business and entertainment. Yes, they were glorious days. Don't make 'em like they used to.

 

The question is whether, in the face of an ongoing national crisis, we can stop the political circus and actually do something to help the economy...

Hey, now, that's not fair. The circus, as a general rule, is fun. Are you having fun? I'm not and I don't see your elephants doing any tricks that don't involve tax loopholes for Fortune 500 companies.

 

Those of us here tonight can't solve all of our nation's woes. 

There are approximately 200 million people who could have told you that ages ago.

 

There should be nothing controversial about this piece of legislation. 

There should also be nothing controversial about scheduling a speech around a debate, or coming up with a budget plan, or proving a sitting President is indeed an American citizen.

 

And you know that while corporate profits have come roaring back, smaller companies haven't. So for everyone who speaks so passionately about making life easier for "job creators," this plan is for you.

Ooh! Obama ice-burns his opponents on the right with a term they invented to undermine him!

 

Every child deserves a great school — and we can give it to them, if we act now.

By "every child" you actually mean "every child in a reasonably affluent suburb", right? Because I'm pretty sure the inner-city kids have been off the "government gives a damn" list since, like, ever.

 

No more earmarks. No more boondoggles. No more bridges to nowhere.

I know what an earmark is and it's kind of you to remind us of the epic ethical trainwreck that is the entire state of Alaska, but did you just legitimize the term "boondoggle" by listing it among examples of financial misappropriation? I mean, you seriously couldn't come up with one more instance of mishandled money in American politics without using a nonsense word? Come on, man, you used to be the President of letters!

 

This idea came from a bill written by a Texas Republican and a Massachusetts Democrat.

Ya know how I know American politics is messed up? I not-so-secretly wish the Texas Republican was T. Boone Pickens and when you said "Massachusetts Democrat" my mind instantly went to Mitt Romney.

 

The plan also extends unemployment insurance for another year.

So, part of your plan to create American jobs is to make it as easy as possible for people to stay unemployed?

 

The agreement we passed in July will cut government spending by about $1 trillion over the next ten years. It also charges this Congress to come up with an additional $1.5 trillion in savings by Christmas. Tonight, I'm asking you to increase that amount so that it covers the full cost of the American Jobs Act.

Start packing your bags, kids. The President just admitted that the American economic recovery plan hinges on the ability of Congress to make believe they have money that they don't just by promising that they will some time in the future.