When fear takes the limelight from courage, when justice is threatened by the forces of conservatism, when the fate of the nation hangs in the balance, the democratic base of America need only call upon...

The Obama 2012 Super Squad!

Made up of a team of dedicated campaigners, the Super Squad is here to battle democracy's greatest nemesis. No, not theocratic terrorists. Not law-circumventing ultra-capitalists. Bureaucratic paper-pushers with more respect for rules and regulations than the nuances of life? No! The Super Squad is here to combat the true enemy of the democratic process: The fact that reasonable, informed people tend not to vote as consistently or with as much solidarity as the mix of extremists, the ill-educated and the elderly that make up much of the Republican base! President Barack Obama has assembled a crack collection of outreach specialists to address this dire political climate for his new initiative, Project Vote. Roll call!

Katherine Archuleta, The Iron Hammer and her loyal sidekick Yohannes Abraham

The former chief of staff to the Secretary of Labor, The Iron Hammer is here to convince America's blue collar workers that when they vote Republican based on socially conservative ideals, they're actually voting against their own interests considering the Republican trend of favoring the rich and squashing unions. She'll use her secret weapon of pointing out the lack of anti-gun legislation promoted by the Obama administration. Together with Yohannes, The Iron Hammer will bring the nation's workers into a vast voting force for democracy.

Mitch Stewart and Karine Jean-Pierre, Warriors on the Front

While the Obama 2012 strategists work behind the scenes to coordinate grassroots efforts around the country, Stewart and Jean-Pierre will be down in the trenches trying to gain territory in battleground states. They'll punch the purple from Ohio by illuminating the role Republican Ohio representatives played in the extension of the debt crisis, appealing to the working class and getting the hundreds of thousands of college students in the state to actually frickin' vote for once. They'll go to Florida to convince the huge numbers of Hispanics and Jews that the GOP has never, never represented their interests and philosophies. They'll go to the Carolinas to remind them that black voters have enough of the total population to sweep anything they want as long as they actually participate.

Gabriela Domenzain, Buscadora de la Verdad

Domenzain will serve as the Obama 2012 Director of Hispanic Press, a job that will mostly consist of pointing to a diagram that reminds Latino voters that the GOP is the party that has recently marked them all as "looking like criminals" simply for having Latino features and thought that an internment camp in Arizona was a great way to address illegal immigration.

Buffy Wicks, The Boss

Working tirelessly at the state-of-the-art Obama 2012 HQ, Buffy Wicks tracks the movements of the entire Super Squad. She leads this team of campaign experts to push back the encroaching evil. With her unflagging efforts, she keeps this mighty ship a'sailing for truth, justice and the American way... or, rather, the way America probably ought to be but hasn't been for a really long time, or ever.