For people living in the United States, Congress is only interesting when they're coming tantalizingly close to passing a health care bill or when one of their representatives shouts something stupid in front of a recording device. Little do the tax payers know that Congress actually does pass bills on quite a frequent basis, provided they aren't at all controversial and don't cost anyone anything. That's why the tourism bill was such an unqualified success. Since it's a zero tax dollar initiative, it slid through proceedings in record time, but now we have to produce a few commercials to get people from all over the world interested in traveling here for vacations. Here's what we've come up with so far.

Ad #1: Western Europe

Are you bored? Tired of those everyday doldrums? Would you like a little more excitement in your life? Well, the United States has got you covered. One quick transatlantic flight and you'll be living on the edge. American is 9.83 million square kilometers of outdated private health care, largely non-existent mass transit and unacceptable levels of violent crime. We have drive-thru liquor stores. We place cities in the middle of vast, untamed wilderness. We give automatic weapons to the mentally ill. So, break out of your safe, convenient routine and come to the States. America: X-treme Travel.

Ad #2: South East Asia

You've seen us show up in your country and live like royalty thanks to a lopsided exchange rate. You've seen us snapping irreverent pictures in front of your holy sites not because we disrespect your religion, but because we're completely ignorant of it. You've seen us look surprised that your food doesn't taste anything like the stuff somebody in our nation marketed as authentic. We're Americans and now we want to give you the opportunity to have the same experience in our home. We hope to see you arrive on our shores utterly unprepared for what awaits you.

Ad #3: Russia and the Former Eastern Bloc

We're America and we're not evil. No, seriously, we're totally cool. We know you grew up being told what pigs we are, but our cultures have a lot in common. You like petroleum? Yeah, we're addicted to the stuff. How about projection of power through a bloated military complex that is woefully mis-labeled as "defense"? Uh-hu. We're on that like white on rice. We heard you dudes hate Nazis. Well, back in the day we had our own little scuffle with the brown shirts and now we make them the bad guys in about half of our movies. So, you see, we're really not that different. In fact, we'd like to have you over some time.

Ad #4: Africa

Hi. This is the United States. Look, we're gonna level with you. We know that most of you, like 99% of you, don't make enough money in a lifetime to spend, like, even three days on vacation here, so this is really just for that other 1%. And you, yeah you know who we're talking about. You guys kinda owe us for all the stupid people our spotty education system has created who sent you guys all that scam money. It's not a lot to ask, all things considered.