Humility washes over me like the first proper shower a soldier feels after returning from years of sand and death in the desert. Maybe it's the fifth of scotch that's been my only companion these past few hours, or maybe it's because I just spent an entire day trying to get politicians from Israel and Palestine to behave like adults in a civil society and not like combatants in a civil war. Whatever motivates the feeling, I can't escape a sense that an incredible responsibility hangs over me and that I'm not entirely capable of handling it on my own. America, if you've got a soul, use it to listen to me tonight and remember, if only in thin whispers, to hold me to the moral weight I have to lift.

It was so easy to say it when I was on the campaign trail. The moral certainty of calling for the end of the war in Iraq was smooth and intoxicating. We knew we were right. I knew I was right. The mantra made too much sense to be wrong. Bring the troops home. End the quagmire. Save billions in taxpayer dollars. Actually getting it done? Another story altogether. It's not that I didn't want to end the war the second I got into office, it's just that things get so hazy and strange once you're actually President. Everything that ought to be so simple turns complicated, like a floor tile that's actually a Rubik's Cube you've got to solve before you can walk on it. I know I should have pushed, I should have refused to take action on anything else until I brought the men and women in uniform home. I didn't. I diversified my labors, if only to keep myself always thinking about something other than the things I wasn't getting done.

But now it's over. Well, mostly over. I brought 100,000 back to the States but there are 50,000 others who are sticking back to hold down the fort for another... geez, year. Some of those kids are never coming home. The war's over and they're still not coming back from it. I'll never sleep right again.

I can't think about that. I need to concentrate on the good, on the problems getting fixed. The problems I knowingly dove into when I took this job. We're gonna have more money to spend on things at home. For once the numbers are on my side. We've been spending between eight and nine billion dollars per month on this pointless war. We're still gonna dump a chunk of change into the remaining forces, but that's still several billion we won't be spending in Iraq every thirty days. Now we can actually fund domestic programs. Liquid finances won't entirely fix our crap economy but a decent cashflow won't hurt, either.

But that's not what's really keeping me up tonight. My eyes are pried open by my own words. In my address on Tuesday I said I'd be bringing the rest of the Iraq soldiers home next year while simultaneously beginning a draw-down of forces in Afghanistan. Please, America, hold me to this. If not me, then the next person who sits in this surreal office. If you're young, be a generation of peace. If you're old, leave behind a legacy of more than just blood and fire. Left to my own devices, I don't know if I'll be able to pull it off. Make me honest, America, even if you have to force it.