Oh, boy! I'm really jazzed about my economics speech I'm gonna give to the joint houses of Congress on September 7th. Yessir, it's really gonna send a message for me to pounce on them about the jobs situation the moment they get back in office. Yeah, that's some real good presidentin' I'm doing and... oh, what's that John Boehner? You say that giving the speech on September 7th is inconvenient for the lot of you? Well, I wouldn't want to inconvenience you congressional folks. No, siree. Let me just open my calendar and take care of this little hiccup right away. Done and done. The speech has been moved to September 8th. See? No problem. Say, would you like some coffee?

Me? I'm partial to Java Green Cafe on 19th. Their panini are delicious and I make it habit to pick up a double espresso with lowfat milk... oh, you like St. Elmo's in Alexandria better? Well, shucks John Boehner, that's a little out of the way for a quick cup of joe, but if that's where you'd like to go, then that's where we'll go. Yes, even though I'm the President and technically the most powerful man in this country, possibly even the world, I suppose I can defer to your preferences just this once. But afterward I insist we sit down and hammer out a schedule for the next series of bi-partisan immigration talks.

You'd rather not. You'd rather take the afternoon to catch up on that file organizing initiative you've instituted in your office. Um, okay. We'll move that scheduling meeting to... to... when's good for you? You'll get back to me on that one? Yeah, that's fine. Whatever works for your routine. I'd hate to step on the toes of someone as busy and important as you.

Say, John, how's the view from your office? Nice? I mean, if the White House is in the way, perhaps you'd like me to, I dunno, shift it over a block or two? Sure, I'd get down in the dirt and carry that whole, historical structure down Pennsylvania Avenue brick by brick, board by board, nail by nail, ridiculously opulent chair by ridiculously opulent chair. And why? Because I'd absolutely abhor being even the slightest inconvenience to you or anyone else in your party.

I mean, what kind of President would I be if I made myself a nuisance to my Congress? You guys are really, really busy doing... what is it you do again? I've heard talk of you folks standing around yelling at each other about unimportant regulatory measures and the semantics of certain otherwise innocuous bills, maybe occasionally passing some legislation that matters but mostly just arguing yourselves into a coma for the sake of political careerism at the expense of the nation. I know Congress is quick to raise its own pay and give itself the best health care package taxes can buy, though you're not so quick to raise the minimum wage or institute health care reform for taxpayers. I guess I just don't understand the ins and outs of Congress seeing as I was just a junior Senator for a couple years before I was elected President of these United States.

So, sure, I'll just move things around without a fight because... well, because everything is a damn fight with you, Boehner. You'd raise a stink about the flavor of ice cream at a Congressional banquet if you thought it'd make you seem powerful. I'm picking my battles and there's no way I'm gonna go 12 rounds with you over the date of some speech.

Asshole.