August 12, 2009

Dear Secret Diary,

It's been awhile since I've had time to write in my secret diary. I've been stuck trying to explain to old Republicans and hillbillies that Medicare IS government healthcare, and that we will not take it away from them. Sheesh. I've had to tour the country following these fear mongering Righties telling them that we will not be bulldozing them into pauper's graves when they turn 65. Sometimes this country amazes me, I'm running out of hope, HA! Just kiddin' ;) 

I'm the hope man, that's right, the hope man. Be strong Barack, people like you, they voted for you and people seem to be buying that BS Hawaiian birth cirtificate you photoshopped.

To do list this week:

1. Continue to remind the GOP healthcare reform is about helping people, not insurance companies.

2. Thank Cocoa Tea for the great reggae jam, after I'm done saving the US I'll have to smoke a spliff with that Rasta. That's a phat beat. Jah bless, brother.

3. Continue to clean up the Bush mess that I keep getting blamed for, without actually saying that. Keep it classy, you know?

4. Get Malia & Sasha to clean up that dog's crap in Lincoln Bedroom, I told those kids, we get a dog, you clean up the poop, not me, not Michelle, not Secret Service, YOU kids. That carpet was a gift from King George to the Colonies and Bo just comes in there and pinches deuce right on that sucker. If I hear those kids telling Secret Service 'Bobama needs a security pick-up' one more time I'm gonna put some serious sanctions on their behinds.

5. Call Putin and make fun of his nipples. Don't make me play this fool in beach volleyball.

6. Keep on bringin' the juice baby!

Obama Out