Ah, I haven't felt this good in a long time. I'm sleeping better than I have in months, I've got my appetite back and I am just so relaxed. It's just nice to be recognized for once, ya know? I mean, recognized for who I really am. Everybody always sees the suits and the b-ball and that big, gaudy seal that says "The President of the United States", but they don't know what's underneath it all. Deep down, I guess I'd call myself a negotiator of sorts, the kind of guy who can show people how to settle their differences and make some real progress. Yeah, there'll be no more needless fighting while I'm in charge. We're just gonna have to slow things down and start working at a more reasonable pace. Of course, I can't move as fast these days as I used to, on account of being a little weighed down by my Nobel Peace Prize.

Life at home has been pretty different ever since the Nobel committee dropped by to tell me that I'm Mr. Peace 2009. It's been humbling. That's exactly what it is, really very humbling. It's made me step back and take a fresh look at everything that's going on. Out of anyone, I should know that vague, abstract terms like "peace" are a lot more meaningful than the cynics would have us believe. Peace is a frame of mind, it's an approach to life. If you've got it in you, you can do some amazing stuff.

Like, the other day, Sasha and Malia were arguing over which of the Jonas Brothers is the cutest. Sasha said Kevin and Malia said Nick. Things were getting pretty ugly. Normally I wouldn't know what to do, but then I went into my Peace Place (that's what I call the semi-meditative mindset I enter when I think about winning the Nobel Peace Prize) and I took care of that dispute like it was no problem at all. I explained to the girls that there didn't need to be a cutest Jonas Brother. The wonderful thing about life is that each of the Jonas Brothers is the cutest in his own special way. And also that, objectively speaking, Joe Jonas wins in a walk when it comes to cuteness. That put an end to the fight in no time.

Having the Peace Place has also really helped me in my career. That thing with Olympia Snowe this week couldn't have happened without the Prize. We needed to convince at least one Republican Senator to back the health care bill, so I said I'd take care of it. I had the Secret Service lock me in a room with Olympia and I just stared at her for three solid hours. Ya know, all peaceful-like. Didn't say a word, just sat there and stared because we don't really need to disturb the air with our violent words. She was so overwhelmed by all the peace I was sending her way that she cried on the Secret Service agent's shoulder for a really long time when he finally opened the door.

Yeah, from now on it's gonna be all about peace in my administration. We're gonna peace up the health care bill, slather this economy in so much peace it'll just have to get better and we are gonna peace the hell out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Seven more years of this stuff. Seven. More. Freaking. Years.